Burn (Breathless #3)

Burn (Breathless #3) Page 23

“Yeah, I get it. I just didn’t want him here, you know? Your apartment is our world and I hate bringing him here.”

“I understand, baby. But here is where you should feel the safest bringing up shit from your past that hurts you. I don’t want you ever holding out on me. Now, what I was going to add was that your relationship with Michael was all sorts of fucked up. And I’ll tell you why I think that. I don’t want you thinking I’m judging you or thinking you were an idiot for being with him. But what I’m going to say is important and it has bearing on what you and I have now.”

God, she loved this man. If she hadn’t already acknowledged that she was falling hard and fast for him, these words, completely and utterly sincere, amazingly awesome words, would have sealed the deal for her. Where else would she ever find a man like this? Someone who was so caring and considerate. So tender and gentle with her and yet rough and demanding when she needed it?

He was, in a word, perfect. And she hadn’t thought perfect men existed except in fantasy land.

She settled into his arms, warm and content, waiting to hear what he’d say next.

“Michael took from you in your relationship but he didn’t give shit back. And I know this from what you’ve told me. He expected things from you. He punished you when you didn’t comply. But he didn’t give you anything back. You said he was cold and distant. He was never affectionate. He didn’t give you the things you needed. And he didn’t reward you when you did something that pleased him.”

She pursed her lips in distaste because Ash had nailed it right on the head. And the hell of it was she’d never seen it while she was in the relationship with Michael. She’d wrongly assumed that all relationships like the one she had with Michael were that way. Ash was fast proving her wrong.

“He didn’t show you affection. He didn’t do things for you because he knew you’d love them. And, baby, that’s wrong. Your relationship with him was all about him. Not about you. It was about what he could take from you without having to give back. And that’s ten sorts of fucked up. It’s no way for a man to treat a woman he’s supposed to cherish and protect.”

“You’re not like that,” she whispered.

His eyes flared. “Thank fuck you feel that way, baby. I wouldn’t be pleased at all if you thought I wasn’t giving you back what you needed from me. And if it ever comes to that, I want you to let me know. Because I’ll fix it. I won’t ever consciously do it. But if it does ever happen, I expect you to give me a loud wake-up call.”

She grinned. “No worries there, Ash. Now that you’ve shown me how it can be, I’m a greedy bitch and I’ll never go back to the way it was with Michael. You’ve spoiled me for any other man.”

His expression darkened. “It’s a good damn thing because I have no intention of you ever finding out what it’s like with another man. If I’m not giving you what you need, then you better be telling me what it is I’m not giving you because you going to another man for that . . . Not happening. You’re mine, Josie.”

“I’m yours,” she whispered, tracing her fingers down his firm jawline.

“Now, let’s talk about me letting you off the leash so to speak.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Leash? Ash, that sounds horrible! Is that what you think you’ve done? Put a leash on me?”

He laughed. “Was just joking with you, darling. Jace accused me of having a leash on you because I’ve been keeping you all to myself. And he’s right. I’ve kept a pretty tight rein on you this week. It’s me being selfish. I haven’t wanted to share you with anyone yet. And that’s not fair to you. You’ve only been out once this entire week.”

“I haven’t minded, Ash. I’ve loved this week with you. And I’ve been working. So it’s been fine.”

“Yeah, but it’ll get old after a while. I just wanted to make sure . . .”

He grimaced and broke off.

“Make sure of what?”

“Not important,” he said gruffly. “The point is that I want you to meet my friends. They’re the most important people in my life next to you. They’re my family. My real family. Gabe and Mia are going to get in late Saturday and if they’re up for it, I’d like to take you to meet everyone Sunday. I’d like you to meet my sister, Brittany, too. She’s having a hard time of it and she’s almost the same age as you. Mia and Bethany and Mia’s girls are a bit younger but I think you’ll like them too. Mia and Bethany have good heads on their shoulders and they both have hearts as big as Alaska.”

“I can’t wait,” she said sincerely. “If they mean that much to you, I have no doubt I’ll like them, Ash. And I want to meet the people you care about. I’m happy you want to share that part of yourself with me. I just wish I had that to share with you as well.”

He squeezed her again. “Want you to have people to love and support you, baby. Hate that you’re alone with no family and that you lost your mother. I’m sure I would have loved her if she’s everything you’ve said.”

She smiled and reached up to kiss him again.

“Bethany is different, Josie, and I want you to know that going in. She’s had a hard life, so it would probably not be a good idea for you to ask her about herself. Before now I mean.”

Josie’s eyebrows came together in question as she stared up at Ash. “What do you mean?”

Ash sighed. “She was homeless when Jace and I met her. She was working Mia’s engagement party. We didn’t know that at the time. We slept with her that night as I’ve already told you. But she bailed the next morning and Jace damn near turned the city over looking for her. He found her in a shelter and took her home with him. The rest is history, but even after that, she had some tough times. She had a foster brother who lived on the streets with her and he was mixed up in some shit. Bethany used to be addicted to painkillers and she’d worked past that, but the heaviness of her relationship with Jace nearly made her go back. And then her brother, Jack, drugged her hot chocolate and nearly killed her. We all thought she’d overdosed and that she’d tried to commit suicide. It was a cluster fuck because the night before Jace came home to find me with Bethany in his apartment and he flipped. Took it out on me and her and upset Bethany. So the next morning when this shit happened, it didn’t look good.”

“Wow,” Josie breathed. “That sounds unbelievable! Like something you’d see on a television show or something.”

“Yeah,” Ash muttered. “Only it was all too real. Jack didn’t mean to hurt her. He was the one going to commit suicide but Bethany picked up the wrong cup and ended up in the hospital fighting for her life. I just wanted you to know all of this so you don’t ask the wrong questions or bring up shit that makes the situation awkward for you or for Bethany.”

She bit her lip, a question burning, but she wasn’t sure she should ask because it made her sound . . . jealous. Even if she still did feel a bit of the sting when he talked about Bethany. Because his expression changed when he talked about her. It was obvious that even if she did belong to his friend, he definitely cared a lot about her.

“What’s on your mind?” Ash prompted. “I know that look. You’re wanting to ask me something. Just ask, baby. You have to know by now you can ask me anything.”

She sucked in a breath. “It’s just that you said Jace found you and Bethany in his apartment and flipped out. But you told me it was just that first night . . .”

Ash’s lips twisted. “It was nothing. I’d gone over to bring Jace stuff from work. We had a deal going south, which is why he was in such a pissy mood when he got there and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. I owed Bethany an apology. I came down on her pretty hard in the beginning. Didn’t think she was right for Jace. Saw how he was losing his damn mind over her. I also wanted to move past the awkwardness of that first night and how we all met. So I apologized to her and told her I wanted us to be friends. That Jace was important to me so it meant now she was important to me. That was what Jace walked in on.”

Josie nodded. “I understand.”

Ash cocked his head, staring intently at her. “Does the thing with Bethany still bother you?”

Her shoulders heaved with a sigh but she was honest. She owed him that much at least.

“Yeah. I won’t lie. It makes me a little nervous to meet her. It’s not that I don’t believe you at all. But I don’t know a woman alive who likes being confronted by her man’s ex-lover, even if it was just a one-night stand. And bad enough to have to meet her, but to have to spend time together long term. I’ll get over it. But I’m honest enough to admit that when I meet her for the first time, I’ll be picturing you with her and that won’t be fun.”

Ash didn’t look happy with that statement.

“I don’t want you torturing yourself over this, baby. It meant nothing. Or at least I should say it meant nothing to me. It meant a hell of a lot to Jace. And if he’d been honest with me from the start, that night would have never happened. I would have backed off because I wasn’t into her. Not then and not now.”

Relief settled into her chest. His words were absolutely sincere, and she believed him absolutely.

“I’m being silly. I won’t let it bother me, Ash. I promise. And I won’t bring it up. I won’t bring up Bethany’s past either. She sounds like a pretty amazing woman.”

“She is,” Ash said. “She’s perfect for Jace. And you’re perfect for me.”

Chapter nineteen

Ash led Josie into the bedroom, his jaw clenched tight as he battled the urge to haul her onto the bed and thrust into her and ride her long and hard. He was on edge, the thing with Michael still bright in his mind.

And it only made his desire to possess Josie, to reassert his claim and possession, that much more fierce. It was inexplicable, this urge that came over him whenever he was near her. He wondered if it would ever dim with time. Somehow he didn’t think so.

Something this volatile, this consuming, wasn’t just a flash in the pan. It wouldn’t go away next week, next month or even next year. He could well imagine himself feeling this way ten or twenty years into the future. Which told him he was already thinking long-term, no matter that he’d decided to take it a day at a time and not look beyond the present.

It was damn hard to only think about today when he was dead set on tying her to him on a permanent basis. Everything he did now was to convince her to remain with him. To show her how perfect she was for him and hopefully how perfect for her he was.

Josie turned, her naked body soft and warm against his. She gazed up at him, her eyes glowing with soft desire. He thought, at times, could swear, that he saw love in her eyes. But maybe it was what he wanted to see. She hadn’t said anything, but then neither had he. It was too fast. No matter what he told her, it had only been a week. People didn’t fall in love in a week.

Only they did. He’d seen it. Knew it happened. Knew it lasted.

Did he want Josie to love him?

Hell yeah he did. He wanted it, could taste it, would savor the sweetness of those words when they finally passed her lips.

“What would you like tonight, Ash?” she asked in a soft voice. “Tell me how you want me. You’ve had a long day. I want to make you feel good.”

His heart softened. Sweet, darling Josie. So eager to please. So warm and willing. The darkness that had hung over him ever since he’d left the office building to go after Michael lifted under the ray of sunshine that was Josie. Some of the tension left his shoulders as her hands smoothed up his arms and to his neck where she cupped his jaw in her palms.

“Not going to mark your ass tonight, baby. I did that last night. Loved every minute of it. Loved those marks on your sweet ass. But it would hurt if I did it tonight.”

And he didn’t want the violence he’d meted out just an hour earlier to touch her in any way. He knew he wouldn’t hurt her—intentionally—but he’d give himself no possibility of slipping beyond the here and now and back into that dark place he’d been when he’d beat another man.

He didn’t regret what he’d done, but neither did he want it touching Josie. Ever.

“What, then?” she whispered. “Tell me. I’ll do whatever you want.”

He smoothed a hand down the side of her hair, staring down into her eyes awash with earnestness. So eager to please. So soft and submissive she made his gut ache.

“Want you on your hands and knees, baby. Not tying you up tonight. Want you to be able to hold yourself up. Going to fuck that pussy first and then I’m going to have your ass. Won’t be as gentle as I was that first night I had your ass. Can you handle that?”