Towers of Midnight (The Wheel of Time #13)

Towers of Midnight (The Wheel of Time #13) Page 115

“Egwene forbade me to protect her.”

“I’m certain the Amyrlin had her reasons,” Bryne said, calmly sealing the letter.

“Foolish ones,” Gawyn said. “She has no Warder, and there is a killer in the Tower.” One of the Forsaken, he thought.

“Both true,” Bryne said. “But what does that have to do with you?”

“She needs my protection.”

“Did she ask for your protection?”

“No.”

“Indeed. As I recall, she didn’t ask you to come with her into the Tower either, nor did she ask for you to begin following her about like a hound that has lost his master.”

“But she needs me!” Gawyn said.

“Interesting. The last time you thought that, you—with my help—upset weeks’ worth of her work to reunite the White Tower. Sometimes, son, our help is not needed. No matter how freely offered, or how urgent that help may seem.”

Gawyn folded his arms, unable to lean against the wall, lest he disturb a map showing orchards across the surrounding countryside. One village near Dragonmount was circled four times, for some reason. “So your advice is to let her remain exposed, perhaps to take a knife in the back.”

“I haven’t given any advice,” Bryne said, leafing through some reports on his desk, his firm face lit by flickering candlelight. “I have only made observations, though I think it curious that you conclude that you should leave her alone.”

“I…Bryne, she doesn’t make sense!”

The corner of Bryne’s mouth raised in a wry smile. He lowered his papers, turning to Gawyn. “I warned you that my advice would be of little use. I’m not sure if there are answers that will suit you. But let me ask this: What is it you want, Gawyn Trakand?”

“Egwene,” he said immediately. “I want to be her Warder.”

“Well, which is it?”

Gawyn frowned.

“Do you want Egwene, or do you want to be her Warder?”

“To be her Warder, of course. And…and, well, to marry her. I love her, Bryne.”

“It seems to me that those are two different things. Similar, but separate. But, other than things to do with Egwene, what is it that you want?”

“Nothing,” Gawyn said. “She’s everything.”

“Well, there’s your problem.”

“How is that a problem? I love her.”

“So you said.” Bryne regarded Gawyn, one arm on the table, the other resting on his leg. Gawyn resisted the urge to squirm beneath that gaze. “You always were the passionate one, Gawyn. Like your mother and your sister. Impulsive, never calculating like your brother.”

“Galad doesn’t calculate,” Gawyn said. “He just acts.”

“No,” Bryne said. “Perhaps I spoke wrong—Galad may not be calculating, but he isn’t impulsive. To be impulsive is to act without careful thought; Galad has given everything a great deal of thought. He’s worked out his code of morality that way. He can act quickly and decisively because he’s already determined what to do.

“You act with passion. You don’t act because of the way you think, but because of the way you feel. In a rush, with a snap of emotion. That gives you strength. You can act when you need to, then sort through the ramifications later. Your instincts are usually good, just like your mother’s were. But because of that, you’ve never had to face what to do when your instincts lead you in the wrong direction.”

Gawyn found himself nodding.

“But son,” Bryne said, leaning forward. “A man is more than one drive, one goal. No woman wants that in a man. It seems to me that men who spend time making something of themselves—rather than professing their devotion—are the ones who get somewhere. Both with women, and with life itself.” Bryne rubbed his chin. “So, if I have advice for you, it’s this: Find out who you would be without Egwene, and then figure out how to fit her into that. I think that’s what a woman—”

“You’re an expert on women now?” a new voice asked.

Gawyn turned, surprised, to find Siuan Sanche pushing open the door.

Bryne didn’t miss a beat. “You’ve been there listening long enough, Siuan, to know that’s not what the conversation was about.”

Siuan snorted, bustling into the room with a pot of tea. “You should be in bed,” she said, ignoring Gawyn after a cursory glance.

“Very true,” Bryne said casually. “Oddly, the needs of the land don’t submit to my whims.”

“Maps can be studied in the morning.”

“And they can be studied at night. And during the afternoon. Every hour I spend could mean leagues of ground defended if Trollocs break through.”

Siuan sighed loudly, handing him a cup, then pouring the tea, which smelled of cloudberry. It was decidedly odd to see Siuan—who, because of her stilling, looked like a woman Gawyn’s age—mothering the grizzled General Bryne.

Siuan turned to Gawyn as Bryne accepted his drink. “And you, Gawyn Trakand,” she said. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you. Giving orders to the Amyrlin, telling her what she should do? Honestly. Men seem to think that women are nothing more than their personal messengers, sometimes. You dream up all sorts of ridiculous schemes, then expect us to somehow carry them out.”

She eyed him, not looking like she expected any response other than an ashamed lowering of the eyes. Gawyn gave that and then made a hasty exit to avoid further bullying.

He wasn’t surprised by anything Bryne had said. The man was nothing if not consistent, and he had repeated the same themes to Gawyn before. Think instead of being impulsive; be deliberate. But he’d spent weeks thinking, his ideas chasing one another in circles like flies trapped in a jar. He’d gotten nowhere.

Gawyn walked the hallways, noting Chubain’s guards posted at regular intervals. He told himself he wasn’t climbing to Egwene; he was merely checking on the guards. And yet, he soon found himself in a hallway near the Amyrlin’s quarters. Just one hallway over. He’d check on her quickly and…

Gawyn froze. What am I doing? he thought.

A lot of his nervousness tonight came from not knowing if Egwene was properly guarded or not. He wouldn’t be able to sleep until—

No, he told himself forcefully. This time, I’ll do as s