The Reluctant King (Star-Crossed #5)

The Reluctant King (Star-Crossed #5) Page 48

“Amelia….?” I goaded.

We exited the Administration Building through the back exit and walked slowly along the octagonal path that connected the separate buildings. I guided her toward the bell tower, hoping we would be able to pause and enjoy the nice autumn afternoon.

And also hoping this would be an ideal spot to lay it out for her.

AKA propose.

“Fine, if you must know, I don’t support blood diamonds,” she sighed.

“But you can buy non-conflict diamonds,” I argued even though I knew where this was going.

“That’s not the point,” she started to get fired up, her eyes flashing with passion and conviction. She was stunning. “It’s the need, the consumerism that drives the market. If we stopped buying diamonds altogether, there wouldn’t be diamond fields and slaves and children ripped from their homes to work for criminals. Diamonds wouldn’t be in demand and blood-diamonds would cease to exist. Buying diamonds is essentially supporting a cause that murders innocent people for black-market riches.”

I let that argument process with me and shushed the cynical part of my personality that argued if it wasn’t diamonds it would be something else. There would always be crime, injustice, tyranny. Fighting for my own people had taught me that. Hell, Terletov had reinforced the point. She also had a point of course; maybe a naïve utopian point… but still she had a point. And mostly I just loved that sensitive, caring part of her too much to squash it.

“That’s a good reason not to wear diamonds,” I finally agreed after much thought. And it was a good reason. She was a good person. “See? You’re a defender of the innocent, warrior for justice. You’re a good person Amelia.” My thoughts echoed out loud and I smiled down at her.

“Avalon you make me sound like something I’m not,” she argued. “What you did…. what you do for our people…. that’s…. you’re incredible. I’m just trying to do my small part. It’s nothing compared to what you do.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but words failed me. We were standing under the bell tower in the middle of the Kingsley courtyard. All around us trees had turned brilliant yellow, deep orange or rustic red, and the colorful leaves floated and skittered across the ground around us. The sun was set just low enough in the sky that the unfiltered light lit up the space behind Amelia in a luminous glow that made her hair shine bright and gave her a halo. Her eyes filled with sincerity, her lips pursed in honesty. She was perfection.

This moment was perfection.

It was time to fight for her. But even if I lost her, I would always have this moment. I knew that to my very core. And I would remember her like this for the rest of eternity. I would remember how she made me feel, how she swallowed up my resolve and fears and hopes all at the same time and gave me something more to work for, something more to become. She moved my soul, the very depth of my being and I was helpless against her.

After all I was only a man.

And she was a force of nature.

“What?” she laughed after I stood staring at her for several moments.

“Amelia, I love you,” I blurted out so much less eloquently than I had hoped.

There was a heavy silence that settled between us for several moments while I tried to collect my thoughts and she tried to politely get out of this situation. She glanced around frantically, at every single thing but me.

A lesser man would have panicked.

But I had been in a lot of fights. I knew how to read an opponent and I knew when an opponent was nervous.

I took her lack of eye contact as a good sign.

“And I know you love me,” I declared. Slowly, painstakingly slowly, her wide eyes moved back to mine. Her cheeks blushed the deepest shade of red and her bottom lip trembled. “I was a jackass all those years ago, a complete tool. But my eyes are open now. I know what you are…. who you are…. and I know I’m never going to find this in any other person for the rest of my life. And Amelia, we both know how long that will be.” She opened her mouth to respond, but I kept going. “I don’t know what is stopping you from trusting me and trusting what’s between us, but I do know this. I know that you were created for me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that you were brought to life to exist for me. And I for you. You make me the best version of myself. You make me want to be King and I didn’t even think that was possible!” I laughed a little to try and bring a smile to her face. It only kind of worked. “You open my eyes and make me see pain and suffering and then you make me want to do something about it. You make me want the most out of life. Because of you I’ve stopped sitting on the sidelines watching it all pass me by. I can’t stand the monotony that my life was, but with you it will never be boring again. I have never seen so much life, so much excitement in one person. You are more to me than all of that though, you’re more to me than love. You are everything to me. Amelia, from the moment you walked back into my life I have wanted nothing more than to call you mine and to give you myself in return. Please let me love you,” I finished on a whisper and then paused. When she said nothing I finished, “Please let yourself love me.”

She sniffled and then a lone tear slipped from the corner of her eye and trailed down her cheek. “Avalon, I don’t know what to say.”

“Because you’re so moved by my honesty?” I ventured, catching her tear with my thumb. I let my thumb move along her cheek, caressing her soft skin as it went. “Amelia, I love you.”

“Call me, Mimi,” she demanded, taking a step back.

I assessed her carefully. She was so afraid, so unsure of herself that my chest felt like it was split in two.

“Why?” I demanded as gently as I could manage.

“Because that’s what all my friends call me, it’s what I go by,” she explained hastily.

I took a deep breath, wondering where her mind was. “I don’t want to be your friend, Amelia. I don’t think I ever wanted to be your friend.”

“Avalon, that’s just it. You don’t want to be my friend now…. today…. But anything that happens with you is permanent. It’s forever.”

A sigh of relief whooshed out of my chest and I felt the constraints of panic release. “Is that what you’re afraid of? The forever part?”

But then everything seemed to clamp down tighter when she sobbed, “No, it’s not that.”

“Amelia, explain it to me. I feel your magic wrapped up in mine, I feel how you want to be with me. What is keeping you from me, what is making you question what’s between us?” I pleaded with her, so close to dropping to my knees and begging it was a physical ache in my legs.

She hiccupped another sob and inhaled a shaky breath. “Do you know that I didn’t even know there was a problem with Lucan until after Eden took Sebastian’s magic? He was my uncle and he spoiled me…. and I loved him and Aunt Analisa. My parents certainly never had political discussions with me and Sebastian was…. he is a good older brother. He tries to protect me from everything.” She paused to collect her thoughts and I stayed quiet, refusing to interrupt the explanation I desperately needed. “After Sebastian became so sick, Lucan did nothing for him. He kept me close, always, but it was like he wished my brother would just…. die. And then Eden took him. I was terrified and I felt betrayed. I loved Eden immediately. The very first time I met her I think I worshipped her a little bit. But then, nobody had caught my cousin’s eye like she had so I knew there was something special about her. Until she took my brother. And at the same time my cousin was dying. And I did nothing. Except maybe cry. Even then I didn’t understand the extent of my Uncle’s wickedness. It wasn’t until Sebastian returned to London that I fully understood everything that was going on. But even then I didn’t actively participate in your rebellion. I couldn’t. Part me of me was frozen with fear of my Uncle’s wrath and the other part desperately naïve. When you finally sieged the Citadel I did my part, but it was nothing compared to the bravery Eden showed, or…. you showed. I have been spoiled my entire life, raised completely above poverty and suffering. I have not wanted for anything.”

“What are you saying Amelia?” I pressed gently.

“I’m not worthy to be your wife,” she whispered, her accent thick through her emotion. “I’m not qualified to be Queen. I have lived a cushy, over-protected, indulgent life. The kind of existence you risked your life to save our Kingdom from. You say you love me, but you don’t really know me,” she shook her head frantically and sniffled against the sleeve of her sweater. “I like my toenails painted at all times. If one of them even chips I repaint the entire lot of them. And most of the time I pay someone else to do them for me. I, I own one hundred handbags. Nobody needs that many handbags. But…. I have an addiction. I can’t stop myself, I love handbags. I get cranky when a taxi tries to overcharge me and sometimes, on very isolated occasions…. sometimes I have a cheeseburger.”

“A cheeseburger?” I clarified trying my hardest not to laugh.

“Only when I’m in America,” she whispered, her eyes filling with more tears as if she were truly ashamed.

“Have you had one since you’ve been here?” I asked in a solemn voice.

She shook her head negatively, her chin trembling with the effort not to spill her tears. “No, I’ve been trying to be good.”

“So that’s it? That’s your entire list of faults?” I asked, finding it hard to raise my voice above a hoarse whisper.

She shook her head again and admitted, “It’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“I see. Well here’s the tip of my iceberg. I am a monster before my coffee in the morning, a complete monster. In fact I loathe mornings, but if I can sleep until six I usually consider that sleeping in. When things don’t go my way my first instinct is to whine about it. Eventually I find a solution, but always I complain first. I am terrible with names, I think parties and social functions are a giant waste of my time and I have a really hard time listening to advice. I have been a horrible King up until about three weeks ago and before that I might have been the biggest idiot on the planet for not treating the future love of my life with the respect she deserved.”

Amelia looked up at me, our eyes locking with a finality that relaxed my chest constraints. “Avalon, I am the exact kind of person you are trying to protect the Kingdom from. Why would you want me to be your Queen?”

“Amelia,” I said her name reverently, worshipping the sound of it on my lips. “Honestly, I’m relieved you sneak cheeseburgers and whine about taxi prices. You may be those things but you are also so much more. You are generous and loving, you are compassionate and honest. I wanted to free the Kingdom from oppression, not from you, not from the most beautiful person I have ever met. You are not only worthy to be Queen, you leave me wanting as your husband. You are a far better person than I ever hope to be and I would not only be honored to be your husband, but eternally overjoyed. I love you, with all that I am, with all that I ever hope to be. You are the reason I want to be King, the reason I know that I can be King and without you in my life the Kingdom will lose out on the greatness I could be.” I gave her a wicked smile, but hoped she knew how serious I was. “You will be a phenomenal Queen. Please trust me. Please, love me.”