Rush (Breathless #1)

Rush (Breathless #1) Page 21

“Please, Gabe,” she said huskily, hating the desperation in her voice. “Please fuck me. End this please.”

“Good things happen when you obey me. Remember that, Mia. Remember that the next time you think to take off without so much as a word to me.”

He leaned over, threading his hands through her hair. He gripped her head, then let his hands slide down to her shoulders where he dragged her back to meet his forceful thrusts. He pounded into her, setting a relentless pace that blinded her to everything else but him, his cock driving in and out of her.

She had no idea what she cried out. Stop. Don’t stop. She was begging. Hoarsely pleading. Tears streamed down her face as she bowed her back completely off the bed.

And then Gabe was there, surrounding her, his arms gathering her close. He murmured soft, soothing words to her. Stroked her hair as he pulsed wetly into her body.

“Shhh, Mia darling. It’s okay. It’s okay now. I’ve got you. Let me take care of you.”

She was utterly wasted and bewildered by what had just occurred. She wasn’t this person. She wasn’t into kink and spankings and forceful sex. She liked it slow and tender. Leisurely. Taking her time. Sex with Gabe was like an inferno. He was a force like she’d never encountered, and she knew she never would again.

He was unpeeling her layer by layer, exposing a part of her she wasn’t familiar with. It made her feel vulnerable and uncertain. What was she supposed to do with this new Mia?

He lay atop her, kissing her temple as he stroked through her hair with soothing motions. She cuddled into him, seeking his warmth and his strength. He was a safe haven when so much was in turmoil. Her mind, her body, her very heart.

When he found her lips, this time he was exquisitely tender where before he’d been possessive and demanding. Sweet, so very sweet. Like they were lovers, reconnecting after an emotional round of lovemaking. Only she could hardly count having her ass spanked and then fucked long and hard as lovemaking.

Sex. It was only sex. Hot, mind-blowing, toe-curling, emotionless sex. But sex all the same. And it was a dangerous mistake to ever consider it anything else.

Chapter seventeen

Gabe lay in the darkness, his gaze fixed sightlessly on the ceiling as Mia lay nestled in the crook of his arm. He knew she was awake. She hadn’t yet settled into the soft breathing and limp body he associated with her rest. But she lay there quietly, curled into his side, almost as though she were processing everything that had occurred.

He was a bastard. He knew it. Suffered some regret. But he knew he wouldn’t stop. He’d broken every promise he’d made to her so far, and yet he knew he’d continue to break them. There was no easing her into his lifestyle. No gentleness. No patience. She made him crazy. She unhinged him.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He owed her an explanation for tonight and yet his pride wouldn’t allow him to tell her why. It pissed him off that she’d walked out in a huff, and yet at the same time, it amused him and he felt pride that she’d basically said fuck you to him and left.

If it were any other guy she was involved with, a stunt like he pulled tonight would be grounds for him to cheer her actions. He’d be the first one to tell her to run far, far away as fast as she could. Then he’d want to kick the bastard’s ass who used her in such a fashion.

But if she tried to walk away from him, he knew damn well he wouldn’t let her escape. He’d go after her with everything he had, and short of tying her to his bed and holding her captive, he wasn’t letting her go. Not yet.

“Tonight wasn’t what you thought,” he said, surprising himself when the statement slipped from his lips.

Goddamn it. He didn’t want to get into this with her. Not any time. If she couldn’t stick around long enough to see for herself what happened, then why should he have to explain it?

Because she’s different. You’ve been a dick. You owe this to her.

Mia stirred against him, lifted herself up to her elbow, her hair falling in a curtain over her shoulder. He reached for the lamp, his urge to see her nagging at him. The soft glow illuminated her features and her dusky skin shone in the low light.

She was beautiful. There was no other word for it. There was a sweetness to her that inspired a physical ache. Except maybe when she was pissed off at him, but he had to admit, he’d been hugely turned-on when she got all scornful and puffed up like a ticked-off kitten. He’d wanted to fuck her right then and there and let her use those claws on his back.

“I thought it was pretty obvious what was going on,” Mia said, her eyes narrowing. “Blondie cornered me in the bathroom and made it plain she’d prefer the younger, richer Hamilton over the older, less wealthy version, and she wanted pointers on how to get you in her bed. Next thing I know, the two of you are glued together on the dance floor and your hand’s on her ass, not to mention a few other places.”

She paused and took in a deep breath. He could tell she was getting angry all over again, but he admired that she put it out there. She wasn’t afraid of him, and he liked that. He didn’t want a meek mouse, no matter that he wanted someone utterly submissive. There was a difference between submissive and spineless.

He wanted a strong woman with a mind of her own, but one who wouldn’t chafe under his dominance. Mia may well be the perfect match for him, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“I know our relationship isn’t public. I get that I was there in a professional capacity. No one knows about us. There should have been no embarrassment involved for me. But I was humiliated and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to crawl under a table and die because I kept thinking, we have a contract. I belong to him, but damn it, if I belong to him then he goddamn well belongs to me too, and there you were all cozy and touchy-feely with Blondie. You smiled at her, Gabe. And you don’t smile at anyone.”

His chest twisted at the edge of pain in her voice. At the accusation in her tone.

“It pissed me off and it humiliated me because all I could think was that you weren’t satisfied with me and that I wasn’t woman enough for you. We’ve been together, what, a few times and you’re already shopping for your next contract?”

“That’s bullshit,” Gabe said, angry that she’d been hurt by his actions. “Complete and utter bullshit. Look, I danced with her. I let her make her play for me because I wanted my father to see what he was tangled up in. She wasn’t subtle at all and I wanted my dad to see that. It pissed me off when he walked in with her and it made it worse that she was putting the moves on me with my dad right there. I haven’t gotten over my parents’ divorce. I’m not used to seeing my dad with a new woman every week. My mother is at home grieving for her marriage while my dad doesn’t seem to give a fuck. So yeah, I let her make her play and I made it obvious what she was doing, because my dad needs to see what kind of woman he replaced my mother with.”

Mia’s eyes softened and some of the anger left her as she touched Gabe on the arm. “It hurts you to see him with all these other women.”

“Hell yes it does,” Gabe bit out. “I looked up to them my entire fucking life. I was humiliated when Lisa and I divorced. I felt like the biggest damn failure because here my parents had kept it together and worked through their differences for almost forty years and I couldn’t keep my marriage together for three. They were an example of what marriage could be. They were proof that love does exist in this day and age and that marriages can make it if people work at it. Then all of a sudden, my dad walks out and they’re divorced within months. I still don’t understand it. It makes no goddamn sense. And I hate what it’s done to my mom. I’m so goddamn furious with my father and yet I love him. He let me down. He let our family down. And I can’t forgive him for that.”

“I understand,” she said gently. “When my parents died, I was so angry with them. How stupid is that? It wasn’t their fault. They certainly didn’t intend to get themselves killed. They were the victims of a drunk driver. And yet I was so angry with them for leaving me. If it weren’t for Jace, I don’t know what I would have done. He was my rock. I’ll never forget all he did for me.”

Gabe squeezed her to him. He knew she’d had a very difficult time after her parents had died. Jace had despaired of how to help her, of what to do. She was angry and grief stricken, and she’d seemed unreachable. It had driven Jace crazy as he tried to reach her, to take care of her and offer her love and support.

Jace had raised her, like a substitute father. Only he’d been everything to Mia. Father, mother and brother. Protector, sole source of support. Not many men would have done what he did, pushing everything to the side, any possibility of a family or relationship in order to take sole responsibility for a younger sister. Gabe admired him for that.

Mia hesitated and then put a small distance between her and Gabe, a fact he didn’t like, but he resisted the urge to anchor her more firmly against him. The action seemed too desperate, too needy. And he didn’t want to need anyone.

“Gabe…” She broke off, her expression filled with uncertainty. She seemed to battle whether or not to pose the question burning in her eyes.

He waited, unsure himself of whether he wanted her to ask whatever it was she was working up the nerve to say.

“What happened with you and Lisa? I know it hurt you—damaged you. I know she was the one to leave and that it had far-reaching ramifications.”

Gabe was silent a long moment. The very last thing he wanted was to discuss Lisa, or the betrayal he’d felt over the way they’d split up. Did he owe it to Mia to explain? No. He didn’t owe anyone a damn thing. But still, he felt himself loosening, wanting to explain to her so that maybe she would understand why the contract, why the exacting requirements. He’d never once explained himself to any of the women he’d been with since his divorce. It wasn’t a habit he wanted to get into. But Mia was different, and he realized this even as he grappled with the knowledge that her being different was dangerous.

“I’m sure the contract seems…extreme…to you,” he began. “Even cold. Heartless. Domineering. It probably makes me a huge asshole. There are a lot of words that come to mind.”

She didn’t respond, but he could see the knowledge in her eyes. There was no quick denial. No attempt to make him feel better, and he liked that about her. But there was no judgment either. Just…curiosity.

“Lisa and I shared a relationship in which I had complete control. I don’t want to delve into the whys and wherefores. Some things just are. It was—is—a need that I have. I don’t have some traumatic childhood that makes me the way I am. No emotional instability. It’s a kink, but more than that, it’s who I am. I can’t change that for anyone. I don’t want to change. I’m comfortable with who I am and what I want and need.”

She nodded. “I get that.”

“I don’t know why she left. Maybe I no longer satisfied her. Maybe she no longer wanted the kind of relationship we shared. Hell, maybe she only agreed in an effort to make me happy. Maybe she was never truly happy. I don’t know. At this point I don’t care. But when she left, she made a lot of baseless accusations. She crucified me in divorce court and to the media. She told anyone who would listen that I abused her and my power over her. She painted the relationship as nonconsensual, which was bullshit, because I let her know from day one what my expectations and needs were. I was very careful that she went into our relationship and marriage with her eyes wide open.”

Mia’s eyes became troubled and instantly on the heels came a look of sympathy. He hated that. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. It wasn’t why he was spilling his guts in some sappy, postcoital, snugly moment. He just wanted Mia to understand.

“If that kind of relationship no longer worked for her I wouldn’t have held that against her. All she had to do was be honest and say she wanted out. I would have provided generously for her. I would have supported her decision. Instead, she went on the attack and painted me as some abusive monster. That I’ll never forgive. I learned a very hard lesson with my marriage to her. I never went into another relationship without means of protecting myself from those kinds of accusations. It may be viewed as extreme, but I don’t enter into a single relationship without signed, detailed contracts. I don’t do one-night stands. I don’t have casual sex. If a woman is going to be in my bed, she has all the facts and she’s signed a contract that protects both of us.”

“Maybe she needed to convince herself that you were this terrible person in order for her to be able to leave,” Mia said softly. “I can’t imagine walking out on a marriage is ever easy.”

Gabe snorted. “Tell that to my dad. You’re naïve, Mia. Sweet, but naïve. People walk out of marriages every day. I’ve always wondered what makes someone wake up one morning and say, ‘Hey, this is the day I’m going to ditch my husband or wife.’ Loyalty should count for something. Nobody wants to work it out nowadays. It’s too easy to get a divorce lawyer and move on.”