Heartless (Parasol Protectorate #4)

Heartless (Parasol Protectorate #4) Page 20

“Mmm, and how do I smell?”

“Vanilla and cinnamon baked puff pastry,” he answered promptly. “Always. Delicious.”

Alexia grinned.

“But not of child. I’ve never been able to smell the bairn. Neither has Randolph. Odd that.”

Alexia’s grin faded.

Her husband returned to his examination of the drawer. “I suppose the constabulary will have to be called.”

“I don’t see why. It was only the odd bit of paperwork.”

“But you kept them.” The earl was confused.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean they were important.”

“Ah.” He nodded his understanding. “Like all your many pairs of shoes.”

Alexia chose to ignore this. “It must be someone I know who stole it. Or arranged for the theft.”

“Hmm?” Lord Maccon slumped thoughtfully onto the bed.

“I saw him enter. He was after that drawer in particular. I don’t think he was expecting us to be here—he seemed more than usually startled to see me. He must be intimate with our family, or acquainted with some member of Woolsey staff, to know where our room is located and that we were not supposed to be in residence.”

“Or it is meant to throw us off the scent. Perhaps he stole something else or did something that has nothing to do with those papers.”

Alexia pondered, still standing on one foot, like an egret, propped back against the windowsill. “Or he is after some important item to use for blackmail. Or something to give to the popular press. There has been remarkably little scandal since you and I reconciled. I wouldn’t put that kind of thing past old Twittergaddle and the Chirrup.”

“Well, idle speculation is getting us nowhere. Perhaps he got the wrong room or the wrong drawer. Now, why are we not both back in bed?”

“Ah, yes, there is some difficultly there. My ankle, you see, no longer appears to be functioning as designed.” Alexia gave Conall a weak smile, and he noticed, for the first time, her awkward stance.

“God’s teeth, why?” The earl strode over to his wife and offered his own substantial form instead of the windowsill. Alexia transferred her weight gratefully.

“Well, I did take a little bit of a tumble just now. Seems I have twisted my ankle.”

“You never?.?.?.?? Wife!” He half carried her to the bed before bending over to examine her foot and lower leg carefully. His hands were impossibly gentle, but still Alexia winced. The joint was already starting to swell. “I shall call for a surgeon immediately! And the constabulary.”

“Oh, now, Conall, I scarcely think that necessary. The surgeon, I mean. You may, of course, summon the police if you think it best, but I hardly require the services of a physician for a twisted ankle.”

Lord Maccon entirely ignored this and marched from the room, already yelling at the top of his considerable lungs for Rumpet and any claviger who might be awake.

Lady Maccon, ankle throbbing dreadfully, tried to go back to sleep, knowing that in very short order her room would be swarming with surgeons and policemen and that her dozing time would be drastically curtailed.

As predicted, Alexia got very little respite that day, which barely made much difference, as she was forced to rest that night after the surgeon pronounced her unfit to walk. She was confined to her bed with a splint and barley water and told that on no account was she to move for an entire week. Worse, she was also told that she was to lay off tea for the next twenty-four hours, as imbibing any hot liquid was bound to increase the swelling. Alexia called the doctor a quack and threw her bed cap at him. He retreated, but she knew perfectly well that Conall and the rest of Woolsey would see that his instructions were obeyed to the letter.

Lady Maccon was not the kind of woman who could be easily confined to bed for seven hours, let alone seven days. Those who knew her well were already dreading her confinement, and this, so close to that fated time, was seen as a preliminary test as to both her behavior and everyone else’s ability to cope with it. It was pronounced, by Rumpet and Floote much later in some private butler musings, to be an abject failure on all counts. No one survived it intact, least of all Alexia.

By the second day, she was chafing, to put it politely. “Queen Victoria could be in imminent danger and here I lie, confined to my bed by that fool of a physician because of an ankle. It is not to be borne!”

“Certainly not with any grace,” muttered her husband.

Lady Maccon ignored this and continued with her ranting. “And Felicity—who is keeping an eye on Felicity?”

“Professor Lyall has her well in hand, I assure you.”

“Oh, well, if it’s Professor Lyall. He can handle you—I have every confidence in his ability to restrain my sister.” Her tone was petulant, for which she wasn’t entirely to be blamed, being grimy, sore, and stationary. Nor was her lying-in translating to actual rest. She was too far along for the infant-inconvenience to permit anything more than a few fitful minutes of shut-eye at a time.

“Who says he can handle me?” The earl looked most offended by this blight on his independence.

His lady wife arched an eyebrow at him as if to say, Oh, now, Conall, really. She continued on to a new worry, without further disparagement of such frivolous masculine dignity. “Have you had the lads check the aethographic transmitter every evening at sunset? You remember, I’m expecting some very important information.”

“Yes, dear.”

Alexia twisted her lips together in contemplation, trying to come up with something else to gripe about. “Oh, I do hate being cooped up.” She picked at the blanket draped over her belly.

“Now you know how Biffy feels.”

Lady Maccon’s temper softened at the mention of the dandy. “How is he?”

“Well. I have taken your suggestion under advisement, my dear, and I am trying a gentler approach—less firmness of manner.”

“Now that I should like to see.”

“I have been sitting and talking him through the change at sunset. Rumpet suggested some light music might help as well. So I have Burbleson—you remember Catogan Burbleson, that new musically minded claviger we recruited last month?—playing violin all the while. A nice soothing piece of European fluff. Hard to tell if any of this is helping, but my efforts don’t seem to be making the poor boy feel any worse.”

Alexia was suspicious. “Is young Catogan any good on the violin?”

“Rather.”

“Well, perhaps he could come play a bit for me, then? I must say, Conall, it is exceedingly dull being bedridden.”

Her husband grunted at that—his version of a sympathetic murmur.

Eventually, the earl resorted to pulling Floote back from London in order to cater to Alexia’s whims. No one could manage Lady Maccon quite so well as Floote. As a result, most of Woolsey’s library and a goodly number of newspapers and Royal Society pamphlets took up residence about Alexia’s bed, and her imperious bell ringing and strident demands ebbed slightly. She began receiving hourly reassurances that Queen Victoria was under guard. Her Majesty’s Growlers, special werewolf bodyguards, were on high alert, and in deference to the muhjah’s conviction that werewolves might be a risk factor, there was also a rove vampire and four Swiss guards in attendance at all times.

Lord Akeldama sent Boots around with not only inquiries as to Lady Maccon’s health, but also a small spate of useful information. The ghosts around London seemed to be in turmoil, for they were appearing and disappearing and wafting here and there, whispering dire threats concerning imminent danger. If queried directly, none of them seemed to know exactly what was going on, but the ghostly community was certainly all aflutter about something.

Alexia went nearly spare at this information combined with the fact that she was unable to rush off to London at that very moment in order to continue inquiries. She turned from demanding to positively imperious and made life rather unbearable for those unfortunate enough to be at Woolsey. As full moon was just around the corner, older members of the pack were out running, hunting, or working in the moonlight hours and the youngsters were now locked in with Biffy. This meant only the household staff really had to suffer the yoke of Lady Maccon’s impatience, and Floote, ever saintly, undertook the bulk of her amusement.

No one was particularly surprised when on the evening of the fifth day, even Floote’s powers failed and Lady Maccon threw off her covers, put weight upon her ankle, which seemed perfectly functional, if a tad achy, and pronounced herself fit enough for a carriage ride into London. No, what surprised everyone was that she had lasted that long.

She had just persuaded a blushing claviger to help her dress when Floote appeared in the doorway clutching several pieces of paper and looking thoughtful. So thoughtful that he did not, initially, attempt to prevent her from her planned departure.

“Madam, the most interesting series of aetherograms have just come in through the transmitter. I believe they are intended for you.”

Alexia looked up with interest. “You believe?”

“They are directed to the Ruffled Parasol. I doubt someone would actually attempt to communicate with an accessory.”

“Indeed.”

“From someone calling himself Puff Bonnet.”

“Herself. Yes, go on.”

“From Scotland.”

“Yes, yes, Floote, what does she say?”

Floote cleared his throat and began to read. “ ‘To Ruffled Parasol. Vital information regarding super-secret subject of confabulation.’ ” He moved on to the next bit of paper. “ ‘Past persons of Scottishness in contact with mastermind of supernatural persuasion in London, aka Agent Doom.’ ” Floote moved on to the third bit of paper. “ ‘Lady K says Agent Doom assisted depraved Plan of Action. May have all been his idea.’ ” Moving on to the last one, he read out, “ ‘Summer permits Scots to expose more knee than lady of refinement should have to withstand. Hairmuffs much admired. Yours etc., Puff Bonnet.’ ”

Lady Maccon put out her hand for Ivy’s correspondence. “Fascinating. Floote, send a message back thanking her and telling her she can return to London. Would you, please? And call up the carriage. My husband is at BUR tonight? I must consult with him immediately on the subject.”

“But, madam!”

“It’s no good, Floote. The fate of the nation may be at stake.”

Floote, who knew well when he had no chance of winning an argument, turned to do as ordered.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Death by Teapot

Why, Lady Maccon, I understood you to be confined to the countryside for two more days at the very least.” Professor Lyall was the first to notice Alexia as she let herself into BUR’s head office. The building was situated just off of Fleet Street and was a mite grimy and bureaucratic for Alexia’s taste. Lyall and her husband shared a large front office, crammed with two desks, a changing closet, a settee, four chairs, multiple hat stands, and a wardrobe full of clothing for visiting werewolves. Since the Bureau was always untangling some significant supernatural crisis or another and didn’t seem to employ a decent cleaning staff, it was also crammed with paperwork, metal aethographic slates, dirty teacups, and, for some strange reason, a large number of stuffed ducks.

Lord Maccon looked up from a pile of antiquated parchment rolls. His tawny eyes were narrowed. “She bloody well was. What are you doing here, wife?”

“I’m perfectly fine,” protested Alexia, trying not to look as though she were leaning on her parasol for assistance in walking. Although, truth be told, she was grateful for its support, as her waddle had evolved into a lurching hobble.

Her husband, with a long-suffering sigh, came out from behind his desk and loomed over her. Alexia expected recriminations, but instead the big man administered an enthusiastic embrace by which masterful tactic he managed to maneuver her backward and down onto a chair in one corner of the room.

Bemused, Lady Maccon found herself firmly off her feet. “Well,” she sputtered, “I say.”

The earl took that as an excuse to give her a blistering kiss. Presumably to stop her from saying anything further.

Professor Lyall chuckled at their antics and then returned to quietly going about official business, papers rustling softly as he calculated and correlated some complex mathematical matter of state.

“I have just come by the most interesting bit of information,” was Lady Maccon’s opening gambit.

This statement effectively distracted her husband from any further admonishments. “Well?”

“I sent Ivy to Scotland to find out from Lady Kingair what really happened with that previous assassination attempt.”

“Ivy? As in Mrs. Tunstell? What a very peculiar choice.”