Dragon Haven (Rain Wild Chronicles #2)

Dragon Haven (Rain Wild Chronicles #2) Page 136

“Very well, then. I’m lucky. I caught you in time. I didn’t have to get wet coming after you.” Carson was smiling, very slightly. His dark eyes studied Sedric’s face. “Why were you trying to drown yourself?”

“My life is over. I might as well be dead.”

“How is that so?”

“You should have let me go. I want to die. I’ve lost everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. Hest was finished with me. I see that now. That’s why he sent me off with Alise. I confessed it all to her, admitted everything to her. She hates me now. Or she’s very angry with me, she can’t decide which. I haven’t protected her. I betrayed her as a friend, and now she’s making a terrible mistake, but she no longer trusts me, so my warnings are useless. If I go back to Bingtown, I’ll be penniless and jobless. Hest will see that I’m despised by everyone in our circle. So I can’t go back.” Sedric’s voice was getting ragged. He felt childish, recounting his woes to Carson in such a disorderly list. He bit his tongue before he could say a word about betraying the dragon. He still had a small chance of taking that secret to his grave. It didn’t help that the big man just regarded him with those dark eyes and that half smile. He tried to sit up, to be away from him, but Carson’s arm across him suddenly grew heavier, pinning him down.

“Stay there a moment. Catch your breath. There’s something else bothering you. What is it?” That deep gaze bored into him, demanding confidence.

As if the simple question were a glamour he could not resist, he heard himself babbling his final secret. “The dragon’s in my head. We’re linked. I can’t be free of her. She…she loves me. And that only makes me feel worse, because I don’t really deserve it. She’s a kind little creature…”

“Little?” Carson’s was incredulous.

“Young, then. So young and in her own way, innocent. She’s always aware of me, and especially so when I think of her.” Tears had begun to spill from his eyes. He was ashamed of them. Hest had always mocked him when he wept. He turned his face away from Carson and looked up at the sky. He could already feel the dragon. Relpda offered her warmth. She tried to wrap it around him, to reassure him, but he cocooned himself in his own hard misery and held her off. He felt a hand on his jaw and flinched.

“Easy,” Carson said. “No one’s going to hurt you.” Gently he turned Sedric’s face back to his. “I don’t think there’s anything so terrible about someone loving you, even if she’s a dragon. So what else pushed you to this? What is so terrible you can’t live past it?”

Sedric swallowed. Carson hadn’t lifted his hand from his face. He moved his forefinger carefully to swipe away a tear. When was the last time anyone had touched him with simple kindness?

“I’ve started to scale.” The words came out tighter, higher pitched. He couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice. “Along my jawline. And on the back of my neck.”

“It doesn’t usually happen to grown men. Let me see.” Carson leaned up on an elbow and looked down at him intently. He walked his fingers along Sedric’s jawline. “Mmm. You may be right. There’s a little scaling there.” He smiled a small smile. “Your beard is as soft as a puppy’s fur. Let me check the back of your head.” He slid his hand around the back of Sedric’s skull, and let his fingers trace a line down the nape of his neck. “So you have,” he said softly. “Scales.”

He took a deep breath. “Better and better,” he said gently. He sounded pleased and for some reason, Sedric felt very hurt by that. Why would Carson enjoy his misfortune? And then, with his hand cupped around the back of Sedric’s neck, the hunter slowly lowered his mouth onto his and kissed him. Sedric went still with astonishment. Carson’s lips were gentle but demanding. When he broke the kiss, Sedric discovered that Carson had gathered him into his arms, holding him with strength but not cruelty. Cradling him against him. Something in him broke. He lowered his face to the rough fabric of Carson’s shirt and wept. Sobs rose out of him and broke him. He cried for all the things he’d thought he’d had but had never possessed. Wept for what he’d let Hest make him, how he’d deceived Alise, for what he’d thought of doing to Relpda. He cried because it was suddenly safe to do so. The hunter said nothing. He didn’t move other than to pull him closer. As the last tears finally left him, Sedric felt the dragon’s affection surround him.