Addicted

Addicted Page 19

“I’m barely making enough to get by,” Brina continued. “My mother’s always asking me for money. When I’m with Dempsey, it’s the only time I truly feel safe.”No—she didn’t say safe?“It’s not like I have men knocking down my door these days. I used to, though. You remember that, don’t you, Sis? You remember when I was beautiful like you?”

That did it! I squeezed her hand so hard that I practically drew blood. “You listen to me! You’re still beautiful! You always have been and always will be!” I calmed down a little and loosened my grip. I was so upset, I had to fightback the tears. Brina was always the confident one. People used to call her conceited in high school, but I would defend her and explain that she wasn’t conceited—she was just convinced she had it going on. “That Dempsey bastard has destroyed your self-esteem, and I’m not having it. I’ll do anything to help you, Brina. Anything! Jason and I both would do anything for you. Don’t you know that?”

She looked me over with the tear-drenched eyes of a child. “I know you will.”

“But I can’t help you unless you tell me what you need.” The waitress came back to the table and asked if we were ready to order our meals. I asked her to give us a few more moments. We had yet to even open up the menus. Once she walked out of earshot, I continued, “This is the first I’ve heard about any financial problems, Brina. Why didn’t you ask me for some money?”

“I could never do that!”

“Why not? That’s what friends are for, dammit!”

“I don’t want you and Jason giving me handouts. I know how hard it was for the two of you to get where you are. I watched your dreams come true right before my eyes, and I could never take away from that.”

I mulled it over for a moment in silence. I never realized Brina could be so damn stubborn. “Okay, fine. I won’tgiveyou anything. I’ll make you earn it.” Brina looked at me, full of confusion. “Come work for me. It’s the perfect solution, and we can spend a whole lot of time together.”

She started chewing on her bottom lip, lost in thought. “I don’t know about this, Zoe. I don’t want to mess up a good thing. I’ve been at my company for a while now.”

“And they haven’t promoted you, given you a raise, or done a damn thing for you except give you a bunch of aggravation.” I smiled at her, hoping to encourage her to accept.“Besides, I pay well, and you won’t have to fight with me to take vacation time or to leave early or anything.”

She laughed. “That’s true. My boss, Mrs. Green, can be a mean old heifer when I ask to leave even an hour early.”

“So accept my offer then, dammit.”

“But all I have are secretarial skills, and those aren’t all that great. Do you even have an opening at your company in the first place?”

“No, but I’ll make one up. I’m the owner. I can do whatever the hell I want.” She still hesitated. “I don’t have a personal assistant. I never have had, but now that I think about it, I could surely use one. You could go visit artists with me and hang out at galleries and art shows. Do power lunches. You would love it.”

The waitress came back again, about to cop an attitude since we were taking up table space and not eating. I could understand it. Business is business and tips are tips. The Cheesecake Factory was packed since it was a Saturday afternoon. We finally put the waitress out of her misery, glanced over the menu, and ordered a couple of grilled chicken salads with blue cheese dressing, some cheese toast, and a basket of chicken tenders.

“Well?” I asked, giving Brina my undivided attention while we waited for the food. “What’s your answer?”

“Let me think about it, okay?”

Now it was my time to be confused. “Think about it? Do you know how many sistahs would jump at the opportunity I just offered you?”

“Yes,” she replied, giggling, but I failed to see the joke. “I’m just not sure I can deal with you as my boss. You’re my best friend and all, but I know your temper tantrums better than anyone, and when we get into it, wereallyget into it. I remember how you and Jason used to go at it all the time when we were kids.”

“I’m offended,” I stated, even though she was right to an extent. “I’m strictly professional at work. Now as far as me getting in your ass about trifling things after work hours, that’s still a free-for-all playing field.”

“Like I said, let me think about it, Zoe. Either way, thanks for the offer. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. You’re always there for me.”

I

dropped it. In fact, I dropped everything. The money issue, the work issue, the Dempsey bastard issue. We enjoyed our lunch and caught up on insignificant things. Once I dropped her back at her place, I asked to use her bathroom before I headed home. I can only imagine her surprise when she discovered the check for five thousand dollars I left on her vanity. I left her a note saying she better not even mention it, and she better cash it, or I would be mad at her ass. I also told her not to dare thank me for it because that’s what friends are for, but urged her to give some serious consideration to my job offer. I was hoping she would see things my way and accept.

chaptereleven

“It’s nice to see you again, Zoe.” Dr. Marcella Spencer was setting up her tape recorder when I entered her office. After she had it all hooked up and ready to catch my dirt, she came around the desk and shook my hand.

“Nice to see you again, too.” It was Wednesday—five days since our initial conversation.

“How are you? Have a seat.”

She motioned to the same wing chair, which was destined to become my home away from home, and I gladly sank into it. I was exhausted from being treated like a sex object during my creeping episodes and from the added stress of worrying about Brina. “I’m making it.”

“Hmmm, making it doesn’t sound too positive. You want something to drink? Coffee, tea, water, maybe a soft drink?”

“No thanks.” She was being extraordinarily friendly,and I began to wonder whether she had been feenin’ all week, anxiously awaiting to hear about the sexual escapades of the freakazoid slut she had as a new client.

“Zoe, do you want to stay in the chair or use the chaise this time?”

“I’m fine right here, Marcella. Thanks!”

She grabbed her pen and pad, ready to jot down all my sins, but I had no intention of having another panic attack. The thing with Brina had made me realize one thing. I needed help just as much as she did, and it was time to get it.

“So, Zoe, shall we begin?” She was all ears.

“Sure.” I rubbed my eyes, both of them having bags underneath them from lack of sleep. “Where should I start this time?”

“Well, I basically know about your relationship with your husband. You were quite frank regarding your lack of satisfaction sexually.” There was a silence, and I waited for the other shoe to drop. It did. “When you were leaving last time, you mentioned you were having three extramarital affairs, which, I will assume, is what you need the most help with?”

I answered her sarcastically. “Ummm, yeah, you could say that fucking three other people is the heart of the problem.”

I regretted the way I came off at her and immediately apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take my frustration out on you. There’s just been a lot of shit going on in my life lately.”

“I understand. Believe me, I do.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and whatever I don’t understand, we will work on together. Trust me, Zoe! There’s nothing you can tellme that will make me think any less of you. I’m here to help.”

Her hands started trembling, and I got the distinct impression she was more nervous than I was. I guess a woman who fucks men like she changes panties would make anyone uneasy.

So I began. “I love Jason and my kids dearly. They’re my heart and soul. I only wish they were enough to fulfill all my needs. I have three regular lovers other than my husband. Each one of them gives me something different. For months now I’ve tried to stop this madness, but I can’t. My addiction to sex has taken me over.”

“I see.”

I hate it when you spill your guts out and someone says “I see.” It makes me feel like they are either bored, skeptical, or appalled. I got up from the seat and walked over to one of the windows. I don’t know what my fascination is with looking at the sky, but I definitely have one. Maybe I missed my true calling to become a weather forecaster. It was cloudy that day, and the sun was about halfway tucked away for the night.

“While I love Jason more than life itself and would die if he ever found out, he’s never been able to sate all of my sexual desires. He’s very old-fashioned and thinks a man should have total control in the bedroom. Jason believes in very little foreplay. He’ll only have sex with me in the missionary position. He’ll only have sex with the lights off, and he’s totally against oral sex. I brought up the subject of anal sex once, and he almost had a heart attack.”