A Trick of the Light (Chief Inspector Armand Gamache #7)

A Trick of the Light (Chief Inspector Armand Gamache #7) Page 140

Gamache brought a coin out of his pocket and held it in his open palm. It was Bob’s beginner’s chip. The one he’d given Gamache at the AA meeting. He hesitated just an instant, then offered it to Clara.

“Who is it, exactly, you have needed,” Ruth whispered, “all these years to forgive?”

She looked across the room, but Olivier wasn’t looking at her. Like everyone else, his eyes were firmly on Clara, and Gamache.

Clara reached out and took the coin, closing her fist around it.

“But Lillian never got the chance to apologize,” Gamache continued. “She made a terrible mistake. In her rush to get better she skipped over some of the steps of AA. Instead of doing them slowly and carefully, in order, Lillian jumped ahead to step nine. Can you remember the exact wording?” he asked the three AA members.

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,” said Suzanne.

“But there’s a second part to it, isn’t there?” asked Gamache. “Everyone seems to concentrate on the amends part. But there’s more.”

“Except when to do so would injure them or others,” said Brian.

“But how can an apology ever hurt someone?” asked Paulette.

“By reopening old wounds,” said Suzanne.

“In trying to put her own demons to rest,” said Gamache, “Lillian unexpectedly raised someone else’s. Something that had been dormant sprang back to life.”

“Do you think she approached someone with an amend who didn’t want to hear it?” Thierry asked.

“Lillian wasn’t a tornado,” said Gamache. “A tornado is a destructive but natural phenomenon. Without a will or intent. Lillian deliberately, maliciously hurt people. Set out to ruin them. And for an artist it wasn’t just a job or career. Creating their works is who they are. Destroy that and you destroy them.”

“It’s a form of murder,” said Brian.

Gamache regarded the young man for a moment, then nodded. “It’s exactly that. Lillian Dyson murdered, or tried to murder, many people. Not physically, but just as cruelly. By taking away their dreams. Their creations.”

“Her weapon was her reviews,” said Normand.

“They weren’t just reviews,” agreed Gamache. “Creative people know being reviewed, and sometimes badly, is part of the package. Not pleasant, but a reality. But Lillian’s words were vitriolic. Designed to push sensitive people over the edge. And they did. More than one person gave up being an artist in the face of such judgment and humiliation.”

“She had a lot to apologize for,” said Fortin.

Gamache turned to the gallery owner. “She did. And she got an early start. But she hadn’t taken in the second part of that step. About the possibility of doing damage. Or, perhaps she had.”

“What d’you mean?” Suzanne asked.

“I think some of her amends, while early, were sincere. But I think some weren’t. I think while she was healing she wasn’t yet healthy. Old habits slipped in, disguised as noble deeds. After all, as many of you just asked, how could an apology ever be wrong? But sometimes it is. One amend gave the murderer a motive. Another gave that murderer an opportunity.”

They glanced at each other again. In the shadows Gamache noticed Beauvoir ease himself around until he was standing in front of the door to the kitchen. The only way out of the room.

They were close. Gamache knew it. Beauvoir knew it. And someone else in the dim room knew it too. The murderer must have felt their hot breaths.

Gamache turned to Clara.

“Lillian came down here to apologize to you. I honestly believe a big part of her was sincere. But a part wasn’t. She didn’t need to come on the night of your big celebration. She didn’t need to wear a dress designed to get attention. Lillian knew she was probably the last person you’d want to see as you celebrated your success.”

“So why did she come?” asked Clara.

“Because the part of her that was still sick wanted to hurt you. Wanted to ruin your big night.”

Clara closed her hand tighter around the coin, feeling it a hard circle in her palm.

“But how’d she know about the party?” asked Myrna. “It was private. And how’d she find the place? Three Pines isn’t exactly a destination.”

“Someone told her,” said Gamache. “The murderer told her. About the party and how to find it.”

“Why?” asked Peter.

“Because the murderer wanted to hurt Lillian. Kill Lillian. But he also wanted to hurt Clara.”